Very few things on this Earth have truly mesmerized me. I walk on this planet in search, probing and trialing, looking for the right person. At times I fear I will never find someone. I don’t want to spend my life alone. Distress often fills me to the peak with the thought of settling for someone who gives me an indifferent feeling. The daunting belief that I will live a dull life of routine that will fade into depression scares me. I have lived with this trepidation buried deep inside of me for a long time. It eats away at me. But the elation inside me sputters out the words I can barely speak. The search is over. I have found the person I long for.
No one is perfect; perfection is an inconceivable idea that humanity has created. I am going against everything I believe when I say this: you are my little slice of perfection my love. Don’t scoff or turn your head in disbelief. It’s true! Why would I spend my time filling this page with sincerity if I did not speak with the conviction I dare to say I possess?
I knew I had found the stereotypical “one” when I noticed myself change around you. The key factor that held me back in life disappeared.
I started to breathe and live again.
My entire day is spent holding my breath. The pressure builds until I feel I might pass out from the compression of my thoughts compiling inside my mind. I am a deflating balloon releasing the air that desperately wants to be freed when I am with you. You are my release, my exhalation.
I could feel my inner self twisting, turning, transforming. I feel I constantly sail a boat that travels through only storms and sunny days. My emotions are always playing twister, their stance is continuously changing. I have only felt like this once before.
I am a writer a poet. The thrill of placing each word with an articulate thought process makes me intoxicated with bliss. I pride myself in my skill. I can stretch words to anything I set my mind to; but with this love, I cannot. I lack the ability to formulate words explaining how I truly feel. I am jumbled and out of place. My mind is fogged with affection and I cannot perfectly explain how I feel about you. It is indefinable.
The smile. I have never smiled liked that for anyone.
It is an airy smile. One can see the infatuation in my eyes
I don’t like the word lust; it gives off an air of artificiality to me. But the longing I have for you is unhealthy. I think about you far too often. Please forgive me for being so terribly human.
I crave your touch.
I want a relationship that doesn’t rely on the pure desire of embrace. I want it to be a gratuity. We could talk all night with each other and not have the pressure of going down a path one of us isn’t ready for. I want the relationship to be mental and emotional, and have the physical fun of it all to be there when we want it. I do want physicality of a relationship; I just don’t want it to dictate us.
But there were times when you were talking to me and I had the horrible urge to just lean in and kiss you. I want to know the exact crook in your collar bone, the curve of your ear, the length of your fingers, the slope of your nose, the crevice on your cheek, the knobs of your knees, the arch of your back, and the dip of your palm. I want to explore every inch of you.
I want to open up your mind and go deep inside. I want to travel to the depths within as I discover the hidden thoughts that congest your conscious. The dissection of your feelings would paint a picture for me that no one else would be able to ever see. Each brush stroke brings new breath; each shade of color brings rejuvenated passion. I want nothing more than to see how you paint the world in your own colors.
This isn’t of my character, you see. I am quite “innocent” but when I am near you the virtue vanishes. I become a person that is different from myself. I yearn to experience adventures in your presence. I want to live when I am with you. Chance rushes through my veins.
I write with a purpose for you my love. Not only to relieve the pent up feelings I fester in, or to capture the beauty you emit. I write with a fear driving full force ahead. I never want to go through life without seeing your face, hearing your voice, or hearing your words. I can’t let you slip away. I cannot let you go like I let my cares go. You are the only person who has made me feel confident in myself. The compassion you hold for me inside your soul fascinates me. The conviction you speak with makes my fingers tense up in awe. You see everything differently. You make me laugh when I am to the point of shaking with doubt. You are different, just like the format of this prose. Your individuality is what I admire the most and I wanted to show it through this prose somehow. You will do anything humanly possible to make someone happy. Empathy radiates from your bones, being felt from 700 miles away. I am never sure of myself.
But I am sure that I never want to see you go. I want to you to be mine.
I love you but yet I know. You are never going to have a person forever, so why waste the words, tears, kisses, and emotions on someone that will disappear sooner or later? I have never thought that I was prepared for it either. I have shielded myself from its terrible emotions that complement it, until now.
You are my wonder.
I want to give my words, my tears, my kisses, my love, and my emotions to you my darling.
You have taught me that there is importance in love and nothing should hold me back from experiencing it. I want to live in the jump of the chance I am taking with you.
You are worth the risk.
So Am I..